She says she feels worthless, like she is 'a piece of doo doo' (her own words), that the world would be better off without her in it. (Now, after I asked her other questions to make sure she had no actual suicidal intents or plans, and got the 'depression' side of things out of the way, the conversation continued.)
'What makes you feel so bad about yourself?' I asked her.
'I've been told over and over that I'm rubbish: my mom told me I'd never amount to anything because I was rubbish; my first husband told me I was rubbish and beat me up because of it, my second husband called me a rubbish wife and mother and also beat me up til I got the police to get him out, and now my daughter, who I love to bits, tells me when we have an argument, that I'm a rubbish mom, and she hopes she never grows up to be like me. And when you hear the same thing over and over again you start to believe it.'
Wow.
This poor woman had come to believe the worst about herself because of what she'd been told all her life.
She'd been listening to the same tape being played over and over albeit in different players (by different people).
If only she knew then what I'm about to tell you now (I did share the following info with her though, and it made a big difference, but more on that later...for now, read on.).
What she did not realize was that within her own statement lay the key to her breakthrough.
The key sentence which hid the solution to her situation was: 'when you hear the same thing enough times/over and over, you start to believe it.'
That statement is not only true, but it has a sound scientific basis behind it, which I won't go into today.
The human mind is an amazing machine.
When you hear the same thing over and over again, you really do believe it to be true. Whether or not it really is true. Your mind doesn't distinguish between fact and reality. It just accepts whatever you feed it, and causes it to grow as you continue to think about that thing/hear the same thing repeatedly. And what you believe about yourself determines how you feel (your emotions), your actions (behaviour) and eventual results in life.
Do you begin to see how you can manipulate this fact to your own benefit?
The beauty of this is that your mind doesn't care who's saying it, as long as it hears it over and over again, it comes to take it as gospel truth.
In other words, it doesn't matter who's playing the tape, your mind accepts the programming anyway.
So the key to my client's breakthrough, and to yours, is to change the tape you're listening to. Get proactive and become the player of the right type of tape, and refuse to listen to other, contrary tapes.
So begin to listen to a different tape from today. Be the player of the tape, find other players who are playing the same or similar tape and hang around them, read books which 'play the same tape', listen to audios and watch videos which 'play the same tape'.
This is called proactive, creative, bombardment. It doesn't matter who's playing the tape - what matters is the content of the tape. Make it empowering, self-esteem-building, content.
It's the only way to overcome the effects of negative programming which can have such devastating effects on your life.
I leave you this week with a thought.
The tape you listen to determines the calibre of people and circumstances you attract into your life. This woman had listened to the wrong tape all her life, and, having built a strong belief based on the content of that tape, she'd attracted men who had continued playing the same tape, leading to abusive relationships with men who debased her and reinforced her negative beliefs about herself.
What calibre of relationships (friends, spouse or partner, etc) are you surrounded by right now? How do people at work/school relate to you?
What does your answer say about the sort of tape you've listened to all your life?
Isn't it time you changed tapes and started playing one that says only empowering, success-attracting, stuff? Isn't it time you listened to, surrounded yourself with, people who played the same sort of tape?
Remember, your thoughts determine your behaviour and your behaviour determines the RESULTS you experience in your life (you will NEVER outperform your current self-image or perception of reality...) so make sure the thoughts you entertain are wholesome, productive, empowering ones.
If you don't like the outcomes in your life, go back into your thoughts and change them. Replace the stinkin thinkin with whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; whatsoever if of virtue and if there be any praise, for this will in turn reflect in your life!
